How to Make Friends After Moving Abroad

So, you moved abroad. You got through hauling your things across the world, said goodbye to friends and family, and are ready to embrace a new culture and a new life.

But wait! How do you go about rebuilding community so you don't spend every weekend sitting in your apartment regretting every life decision you made to get to this point? Let me share what I learned from living in Japan for nearly 3 years.

My 29th birthday party with nearly everyone I've befriended since moving to Japan.

Sign Up for Things

Suffering really brings people together. A close friend here has made around 4 other good friends simply by going to the same gym in Roppongi. Those who sweat together, grow together.

While living in Japan, I also began a career transition to become a UX/UI designer. In searching for ways to advance my career, I found things like Google's Startup Office, which hosts events every week. Also, Japan Product Camp, which brings people in product together to solve a design challenge.

If you and another person have a basis of a common interest, like a career, conversation can begin easier.

Plan Events

I recently went to a scavenger hunt organized by some friends. It took place at a hot cocktail festival in Ueno Park. The rules were simple. Everyone was put into random groups, given a list of things to perform/ find/ take pictures of, and told to meet up in an hour at the festival. My group (Team Nasu) absolutely killed. We got nearly every item on the list including: "take a picture with German tourists" and "sing a love song to a grandmother". Our prize? A hot cocktail and new friends.

Another reason I love living here is the culture of "Hanami". Hanami is basically just having a picnic under cherry blossoms with friends. It's a great excuse to get people together with food and drink, and a lovely way to get outside after the cold winter.

Use Your Friends and Family

Because I live in a tourist hotspot, I often get texts from friends and family saying "our friend Steve is going to be in Tokyo next week, would you show him around?" At first, it bothered me because I don't have a lot of time to play tour guide to strangers while working full time. Now, I tend to give a couple recommendations and offer to grab dinner with the person coming to town.

Surprisingly, I've made multiple friends from taking these people I've never met out to dinner. A family friend Nora moved to Tokyo last year and now I'm going to travel to Nagoya to cheer her on while she runs a marathon. Another friend of a friend, Brian, offered his couch up if I'm ever in London, an offer I may actually take up.

Use Common Interests

Another friend, Anissa, bonded first over our shared obsession for our cats. At first, we didn't even communicate more than sharing pictures of our cats. Later, we found common interests in fancy cocktails and American style burgers. Now, when it's been a while since we've seen each other, one of us will message, "burgers?" and we'll meet up at a new burger place for dinner and a catch up.

Another way to meet others is to find groups on social media who meet up in person. Such as a hiking group or a run club. Every first Saturday of the month a couple friends and I go to the Mikkeller Run Club. I don't particularly like running, but after the run we all get a free pint and time to chat.

You can find these groups from any sort of social media like Facebook, Instagram, Goodreads, or just a Google search.

Plan Trips

When I first met Lea, we were in the same friend group and going through similar life experiences, but had never really hung out on our own. One holiday weekend, when most of our other friends were away with their spouses, we decided to plan a camping trip to get out of the city.

Our adventure is enshrined on this other blog post, An Idiot's Guide to Tateyama Kurobe Alpine Route. The trip was full of mistakes and misadventures, but from it I gained a lifelong friend.

Make Standing Dates

Most every Sunday, the aforementioned friend Lea and I have "Souper Sunday." It started in winter of 2024 when both of us realized the following:

1. we love soup

2. we missed dinner parties

3. we wanted an excuse to watch Shrek

Not going to lie, sometimes I don't want to leave my warm apartment to bike 10 minutes in the cold with a bag heavy with ingredients. But, I am always so grateful I go because now I have a deep friendship with a lovely human, and eaten soooo many good meals.

Another standing date I've had was watching House of the Dragon with my friends Jess and Hunter. Every Monday night we'd plug in my projector and curl up on their couch to watch the newest episode. Hunter would usually make delicious cocktails, and I'd sometimes bring a sweet treat. It became something I looked forward to every week.

Use Dating or Language Exchange Apps

Language chatting apps like HelloTalk, allows you to practice foreign language and make local friends.

I've also heard of multiple people finding friends from Bumble BFF.

Talk to the Person Next to You

The first friends I made in Japan were from the Shinjuku Kuyakusho (ward office). When you move in Japan you have to register your address with your new ward office.

It was 2 days into my life in Japan and was completely lost in Japanese bureaucracy. So, I turned to the only other non Japanese people in the office and asked for help. Turns out they didn't know what they were doing either, but we bonded over our shared confusion. A couple hours later, we had all our paperwork and they invited me to a karaoke night that weekend.

Because I turned to the people by me and asked for help, I made my first friends abroad.

What I Hope Everyone Knows

Show interest in other people. Other people like when you show interest in their lives. Ask questions, follow up, and tell people when you like spending time with them!
Pursue friendships like dates. Because of the immense pressure society has put on young people to find a life partner, we tend to put in much more effort into romantic relationships. Why not put the same effort into finding platonic friends? Ask people out on friend dates, invite casual friends to dinner.
Share interests. You like something? Another person probably likes it to! You can do that thing together.
Invite people to things. Even if they say no, even if it turns out you two don't mesh well together. Spending a day with someone you don't know well could turn into a lifelong friendship.
Go to things, get out of the house! Even if you have no one to do things with, take yourself out. Theres an art exhibit or restaurant you want to try? Go by yourself! Don't wait for people to enjoy your life, people will come, but you have to leave your apartment for them to find you.

As Julia Child once said, "remember, no one's more important than people!"